It’s Been a Big Feels Week

I’ve been struggling to write this week, for many reasons. This is my third sincere attempt at it, and I think I’ve finally realized why it’s been so hard to sum up my experiences of the past ten days. There were some fantastic highlights from my visit to Amsterdam, like seeing an old man cycle past wearing naught but a silver speedo; and then there were some difficult times, like following some very troubling world events.

Here’s my attempt to summarize what I’ve been up to, and why it’s been tough to write:

I HAD AN AMAZING TIME IN AMSTERDAM

Let’s just start with the simplest and definitely the most pleasant thing that I’ve experienced this week. My ten-day catsit in Amsterdam was absolutely lovely. The place was incredible, the city was so beautiful, and the cat was such a sweet little weirdo. Plus, my super pal Sophia joined me for the second half of the trip, and we had some epic wanderings and Netflix marathons. I consider myself lucky to have had this opportunity, and I’m trying to focus on my gratitude for the genuine joys of this time.

I AM ALSO PROCESSING SOME TOUGH STUFF

I knew when setting off on this journey that it isn’t really possible to run away from one’s problems… I guess I was just hoping I’d somehow managed to trick the old cosmic jokester into cutting me a break. Between the intense yoga classes I’ve been attending and the self-exploration involved in the Artist’s Way, some deep dark feels have really risen to the surface. It took me a long time to even admit to myself the extent of the traumas I’ve experienced in my life, but this past year definitely takes the cake. And as it turns out, those deep hurts don’t go to bed until they’re good and ready.

PLUS I’VE BEEN OBSESSIVELY FOLLOWING SOME SERIOUS BULLSHIT 

Like the rest of the world, I’ve been obsessed with the Kavanaugh Supreme Court nomination amidst Dr. Ford’s sexual assault allegations. Sometimes a world event just strikes a nerve, and this case is so clearly emblematic of a much larger social problem. Even though everything about rape culture is heartbreaking and infuriating, this collective rage we’re feeling can be a hugely powerful tool for change in the face of injustice. Pretty sure we’re all gonna be able to start fires with our minds soon.

So, there you have it. I’m sure there are more stories to be told about my time in Amsterdam, but in the context of these other unravellings, that’s the best I can do.

It’s been a big feels week, for so many people. I hope you’re all doing okay.

-Janice

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